Neily82

Rebekah Brooks of the #NOTW to record her own parody of Rebecca Black’s Friday - Here are some lyrics I’ve written for her

Rebekah Brooks - Friday (Sun on Sunday)

7am, waking up in the morning
Gotta be fresh, gotta go to an inquiry
Gotta have my lawyer, gotta have an alibi
Seein’ everything, the time is goin’
Tickin’ on and on, everybody’s leaving’
Gotta get down to the job centre
Gotta catch my bus, I see my former employees (My employees)

Smearing’ in the front seat
Hacking’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get a job on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Sunday, Sunday
Readin’ the Sun on Sunday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

Hackin’, hackin’ (Yeah)
Hackin’, hackin’ (Yeah)
The Sun, Sun, Sun, Sun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend 

Pegs and the city - the final chapter

The final day is here already and I can hear a huge sigh of relief from Peggy. But we have a full day ahead and it’s a final chance for us to cement a friendship, or at minimum settle on a mutual respect.

We begin, as ever, with morning walkies. This has provided many a fun incident through the week and this would also mark our final walk together. With carpet cleaner stocks completely depleted I could only pray for a miracle and I had to approach this like a covert mission…

• Poop bag at the ready to be easily grabbed on the way out
• Lead and harness hidden in my jacket so not to raise suspicion
• Approach and stroke Pegs
• Pull harness from jacket - it’s on with no movement
• Lead out and secured to harness
• Peggy stands and I’m filled with nerves, this could be wee time
• I start to move her and no wee
• We make it all the way to the front door - no wee!
• We’re out of the flat without wee - this really is a miracle
• But hang on where’s the poop bag? I don’t believe it, I’ve left the bag in the flat - what an epic fail
• I can’t take her back inside after we’ve made it so far, but I can’t go out without one
• Desperation sets in and I’m left with no choice but to root through the rubbish bag I put outside earlier in the morning to find a bag
• Another miracle - I find a carrier bag, albeit soiled with coleslaw, but beggar’s can’t be choosers 
• Walkies proceeds and Pegs does wee’s and poop’s outside - hallelujah! 

So Peggy finally rewards me for my efforts with a day off from cleaning carpets. A huge sense of relief pours over me and I experience the fulfilment of small wins like these.

Peggy manages to have the last laugh in 2 distinct ways:

• I decide to rearrange her bedding to make it more comfortable for her. As I unfold her blanket I’m greeted with a chocolatey disk - not a Jaffa Cake, no it’s a poop! She’s been concealing this, her leaving present for me.
• When Peggy’s parents arrive back from hols her tail instantly wags, she’s overjoyed to see them, she’s playing, letting them rub her belly, she’s very content. She even has evening walkies with them without any incident or stubbornness about going outside. TALK ABOUT RUB IT IN PEGS!

We may not have bonded in a way that I had hoped but the experience has been fun. It’s taught me that while I have the patience to have a dog, I don’t have the time - it’s such a commitment. The rewards can be immense, seeing how happy she was to be reunited with the people she’s grown to trust and love was wonderful. 

I’d like to sign off the blog with a sing song, dedicated to the one and only Peggy (sung to the music of Abba - Thank you for the music)

So I thank Peggy for the fun week , the barks and howling, thanks for all the wee you’re bringing, who could live without you, I ask in all honesty, what would life be, without a poop, or a growl, or the wees, so I thank Peggy for the fun week, and for spending it with me.

Pegs and the city - poll results

Earlier this week I posted a poll which sought to establish your opinions on how the rest of mine and Pegs week would pan out. Well the results are in…

Chances of Peggy waggin her tail at me before the week is out:
Interestingly almost 40% of you thought this was likely and a further 18% certain that she would.
Actual result - not a wag in site

Chances of wee in the flat ending:
A whopping 56% of you voted that this was unlikely and a further 32% voting not a chance. Clearly you’ve all been doing your homework and reading the past blogs. I personally would have voted unlikely.
Actual result - Amazingly we made it out of the flat this morning without wee!!!! Big smiles.

Chances of Peggy saving her poop for the green space:
43% voted unlikely against 37% voting likely
Actual result - This only happened on one occassion so technically it’s a no, we’re still pooping in the parking space (by we, I mean Peggy)

Chances that we’ll become best friends by the end of this:
This was the question that split opinion to the opposite ends of the spectrum with 31% proclaiming there’s not a chance but 43% compulsed to vote ‘for sure’.
Actual result - In all honesty, I don’t know that Pegs has particularly warmed to me. At best I think she’s accepted she’s stuck with me this week, unless of course she’s hiding her true feelings - that i’m her new best friend. Hmmm who am I kidding?!

Thank you for taking the time to complete the poll!

Pegs and the city - Day 4

Saturday arrives and both Pegs and the city are providing challenges today. Peggy has greeted me with another walkies wee incident and the city is trying to make it difficult for me to get back to Kent. I can count on two fingers the number of tube lines open - my only savour is the partly running DLR for which there is a station here, phew.

A long day in Kent and despite her aloofness toward me I find that I am missing the Pegster. Even with missing the England match and knowing that there’s bound to be some walkies fun later I’m looking forward to getting back to the city.

As I get nearer to my temporary home I’m suddenly hit with a migraine of mammoth proportions. Here’s hoping Peggy is pleased to see me or failing that goes easy on me tonight…Not the case. Though she doesn’t intend to, she’s kicking a man while he’s down.

We have the usual wee action, this time an imcomprehensible amount, the result of having to wait for me to get back - sorry Pegs. Cleanup of carpets done (I have now depleted the in-house stock of special animal stain/odour remover) and out we go for the 2nd instalment of toilet time and we have poop in the parking space - I swear these are getting bigger each time.

Back to the flat and it’s an early night for both of us, by this point I feel sick and desperately in need of bed. Tomorrow is our final day together, let’s make it a good one Miss Peggy.

Pegs and the city - Day 3 late edition

BIG SMILES! Late night walkies was a total triumph, no wee in the house, minimal pulling on the lead and Pegs was even kind enough to wait until we reached her patch on the grass before releasing her trademark steamy poop.

I can’t explain how happy I am right now and how proud I am of Peggy pooch. She’s a star and i’ll forgive the fart she dropped earlier.

Peggy just farted! I am shocked and appalled

Pegs and the city - day 3

It’s the halfway point of my stay in this fine city with Ms Peggy and despite the ups and downs I’m feeling quite upbeat about the 2nd half of the week. I think we’ve had our lowest point (poo incident - day 2 pt 2) and things can surely only get better…right?

Today started well with Peggy up and waiting for me in the hall this morning, still wary but at least she seemed to be interested in where I was. Brekkie went swimmingly - we both sat listening to the radio, Peggy questionably gazing at me while I sing. Could it be that walkies will be a stress free experience for us both? Ermmmmmmm no. You know the drill by now, weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. But off we trot anyway. Poop happens in the parking space again but at the moment i’d rather that than on the carpets. More walking training ensues and happy to report it seems to be working.

Later I return from work, no warm welcome to report but no frostyness either. Pegs has her first instalment of one of her epic evening meals and then we both settle down to watch France v Uraguay. The game bores us both to tears and we drift off for quick naps. Wakey wakey time and Pegs allows me to approach her, she sniffs my hand then licks a little. I think i’ll try to stroke her and maybe even brush her - she seems to like that when her folks do it.

WIN! Peg and I seem to have finally bonded, we’re sat side by side and she’s letting me brush her. I can almost hear thoughts “this doesn’t mean we’re friends you know”. This is a proud moment and no doubt she’ll reward me with a pee free walkies.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Oh bugger! Early evening walk follows previous walks (including a giant poop in the parking space) but on the plus side she’s pulling much less while we’re out. My perseverence with the training might just be working. She’s walking to heel and maybe even enjoying the walk. We make it to the green and Pegs makes it clear she wants to go back. Time to resume training, this time I take her to the bench and we rest for 10 minutes before we take a slow, controlled walk home. The neighbours get to hear me again “Wait”, “Good girl”, “Wait”, “Wait”, “Peggy”, “Wait”, “Good girl”. All the while Peggy and I undergo a strange dance, she pulls ahead, feels the resistance of the lead, I click my fingers and call her name and she rotates 360 degrees and returns back to my side, head rested against my right knee. This dance I have called the Peggy Fandango and it occurs all the way back but importantly she’s responding each and every time and seems to be waiting for my instructions - the satisfaction of feeling like we’re getting somewhere is amazing and I sense that she’s quite comfortable.

As I type this update Pegs is sprawled across the floor chillaxing. I don’t want to disturb her but it’s getting late which means it’s time for the final walkies of the day. Question is, will we have a wee free transition from flat to the outdoors?

If you missed it earlier, there’s a poll i’ve set up to gauge your predictions on how the week will pan out. Feel free to complete it, intrigued to know your thoughts.

Pegs and the city - Day 2 (part 2)

Welcome to a delayed update of our journey through my dog sitting week in the city. While the city part seems to be going well, the doggy part is remaining a challenge…

Early evening: As I enter the flat Peggy comes bounding towards me with glee to greet me for a hard day’s graft - I’m obviously lying. Instead she quietly acknowledges I’m there and then sets about her busy daily routine - quietly sitting in her bed, looking at me, looking away, looking at me, looking away etc etc.

With toilet time in mind I ponder how best to approach the early evening walk and decide on the following:

• Present the evening meal - reaffirming that without me there’s no food
• Allow Pegs time to relax and watch the One Show with me, maybe even sing along to the opening titles - you know you all do it too!
• Then i’ll coax her to the front door without showing her the lead (as it has been acting as a trigger for peeing the bed) and then put the lead on just before heading out

That was the plan…

This was the reality… 

Stage 1 went well, I turned from glancing out of the kitchen window and jumped when I saw Pegs standing behind me scoffing her dinner, she was getting brave.
Stage 2 also fine, though she left me to sing the One Show titles on my own
Stage 3 is predictable by now, she sussed that I was attempting to take her out and she ran down the hallway and the jet stream wee returned.
Upon telling her that peeing on the floor is not ladylike, nor acceptable in my social circle, she ran to the other end of the hallway and made a steamy protest - yes 3 big poops.

At this point I’m feeling like a broken man, she’s worn me down and outsmarted me but I persevere and take her out for a walk anyway - I can’t let her think she can get away with no walkies.

Late evening: The bulk of the evening has passed, much of it spent cleaning carpet, washing/drying dog beds, airing the flat and trying to bond with Pegs. 
It’s walkies time again and Pegs repeats the wee game again, lead goes on, fingers crossed for no Peggy poopy in the flat and off we go.

We made it as far as 4 yards from the front door before the poop came, luckily I had foreseen this may happen and changed my route to avoid the pavement. Instead she let rip in the allocated parking bay outside and I took out my trusty Sainsbury’s carrier bag. Picking up steamy dog mess with a carrier bag is a less than enjoyable experience.

Again, Peg needed to know that the walk wouldn’t end there so we ventured over to the green space, Peg pulling to get back into the flat. We spent the next 30 minutes having a lesson in dog walking etiquette. Each time she pulled, I would bring her back to heel. Occasionally I would simply stand still so that she would see that we were getting nowhere fast. My hand was turning red from the friction burn but I could see the light, she was pulling less, relaxing a little and staying at my side awaiting my cue that we could proceed.

We had a most pleasant walk back home (yes it’s only 100 yards but she probably feels like it’s a mile). The pulling subsided and we calmly meandered back, smile on my face, burns on my hand. Back to the flat, some much deserved praise for Peggy and much to my surprise she seems to have warmed to me. She follows me round the flat and appears to show an interest in what I’m up to. Could it be that she has a new found respect for me, has she seen that, strictly speaking, I’m supposed to be the one in charge?

For now, at least, I will take this small victory and fall into my slumber positive about day 3.

End of day 2 results: Peggy 4, Neil 1, Dry clean only cushion cover -1